Why I Won't be Watching NBC's "Marry Me"

October is Down Syndrome Awareness month, so each day I have posted something on my Facebook page about our journey thus far since Jackson's birth.  I originally posted this to Facebook on October 14, the night the Marry Me pilot aired on NBC.  

Why I Won't Be Watching NBC's Marry Me

I have been excited to watch this show for a while because the lead actress, Casey Wilson, makes me laugh. I thought she was hilarious as Penny in Happy Endings. So I sat down tonight once I got Jackson to bed and started the DVR.

I watched less than the first two minutes and stopped the recording. Nope, I thought, this show is not for me. How could I make up my mind on a series that quickly? One joke. That is all it took.

The first scene shows a couple returning from a vacation. They've been together for six years, and Annie, the main character, starts ranting about how they aren't yet engaged. Little does she know that her boyfriend is on his knees, ring in hand, behind her. Cute scene so far, right?

So where does the joke come in that made my heart hurt?

About twenty seconds into her rant, Annie says, "We're in our thirties, buddy. If we don't want to have a kid that's all jacked up, we better get to steppin'!" Punch thrown. Direct hit to my heart.

Statements such as this one perpetuate the fear and the stigma that many people have about Down syndrome and other chromosomal disorders.

Statements such as this one fuel the guilt that "advanced maternal aged" (women over 35) mothers of children with Down syndrome already feel. The guilt isn't justified or logical, but it is real and hard to escape.

Sadly, and to be perfectly candid, I thought like this character before I had our son. I knew my risk of having a child with DS was higher due to my age, and that possibility terrified me. I think my husband and I may have even had similar conversations when I was frustrated with him for not proposing.

However, even then I would have never used the words "jacked up." How many people read that script, watched them film the scene, saw the pilot before it aired, etc., and no one thought that maybe that's not the best way to word the character's fear?

That makes me sad. I wish I had more profound words than that, but they just aren't there tonight. Now, I'm going to delete that show from my DVR and check on my beautiful sleeping baby boy.

‪#‎MarryMe‬ fail

Giving Ourselves a Break

As my pilot blogpost, I want to address a trend I notice more and more in moms these days: we hold ourselves up to impossible standards.

I have a dear friend who has stuck by me through so many phases in my life.  Even when I was single and she was married with children, she always made time for me.  I will forever be grateful to her for listening to my drama even when she had screaming kids in the background.  This friend is a wonderful mother, an avid volunteer, a kickass wife, etc., but every time we get together, she apologizes to me for the craziness. I always say,"No worries!"

At our last catch-up session, when she apologized as I was leaving, I told her this: If everything was perfect and your children were silent or afraid to make noise, I'd think you were doing something wrong.  Your children are independent and free spirits; you are obviously doing something right.

I hope she listened.  My hope is that every mother who needs to hear this listens to that statement.  Our lives should not be perfect all the time.  There should be messes and loud noises and mistakes and, of course, laughter. Those moments are how we grow and how we make memories.  No more apologies for having a crazy life.  Remember to give ourselves a break once in a while.

Since the Little Man was born and we received his birth diagnosis of Down syndrome (DS), I have taken on researching with a vengeance.  I want to know as much as I possibly can about DS and what we can do to improve our son's quality of life.  I research supplements, therapies, diets, vaccines, and a ridiculous amount of other topics on a daily basis.  I read blogs, journal articles about drug trials, Facebook posts, etc.  I learn so much that often I can't turn off my brain when I turn off the light.

So this part of my post goes out as a reminder to myself and to the other moms of children with DS or other special needs: You're doing enough.  You cannot learn it all in one day.  You are making decisions based on what you believe to be best for your child.  Sometimes others will not agree with you.  It will be OK.  Sometimes you may change your mind.  It will be OK.  No more apologies for a crazy life or a passionate cause.

Remember to give ourselves a break once in a while.